Reaching Decisions
by Lavande
Summary: BtVS: As Spike is about to leave Sunnydale, Buffy has to decide what she wants. Just a little B/S fluff.


Reaching Decisions

Author's Note: This is post- 'Gone'. I was in a fluffy mood tonight, and I'm afraid this is the outcome. ^_^ Characters are not mine, if they were I'd be rich. And get to see James Marsters every day. *sigh*

Spike paced up and down his crypt, giving a fully convincing image of a truly pissed off vampire. His feelings were in turmoil, and for the first time, he had no idea what to do about it. 

 He couldn't have her. He had known that for a while, but after this whole invisibility thing, it had hit him full force. He couldn't have her. 

 The gods knew that he had tried. He had tried to be supportive; she had rejected him. He had tried to stay away from her, but she wouldn't let him. Every day, the torture began anew. Would she yell at him, use him as a bloody animated punching bag? Or would she make out with him, leaving him behind afterwards, like she didn't even care?

 _But she doesn't care, he thought bitterly. __She never did, that's the problem. _

 And she never would.

 He stopped in his tracks and stood still. Slowly, he let his gaze wander through the crypt, taking in all of its interior. This place had been his home for quite some time now. He sighed.

 Sometimes, a guy had to reach a decision.

***

 The Bronze was crowded, people moving on the dance floor, ordering drinks, chatting or simply hanging around. Xander stood at a small table, sipping on his drink while he waited for Anya to return from the ladies' room. He didn't look up as someone stepped beside him, placing a bottle of beer on the table.

 "So, how's the Slayer? Found her, I guess?" Spike asked.

 "Yeah, she's back to her old visible self. Got a new haircut, though," he answered.

 "Oh."

 "Yeah."

 They both fell silent for a while.

 "And, everything still going with demon-girl?" Spike asked casually.

 Xander sighed, and finally looked up to face the vampire. "Why don't you just tell me what you need it for this time?"

 That earned him a cold stare. "Don't know what you're talking about, Harris."

 "I'm talking about my money, Spike. You're just waiting for the right moment to nick it."

 The peroxide blonde man actually managed to look hurt. "I really don't know where you're getting those ideas."

 "Yeah, we've been talking buddies for years now. C'mon Spike, you can tell me. Blood? Cigarettes? Pay your bills?"

 Spike gave up. "Gas," he said.

 The boy chuckled. "What, wanna get a stove into your crypt? Popcorn for Passions? I think a microwave would do."

 The vampire made a face. "I'm talking about cars, idiot. Had about enough of this bloody town."

 Xander looked at him in surprise. "You want to leave Sunnydale?"

 "Seems so."

 "But what about-"

 "Okay, forget it," Spike interrupted him, picking up his beer. "Can see enough people around who don't watch their belongings too closely."

 As he turned, Xander stopped him by putting a hand on his shoulder. The blonde man spun around. "What's it now, Harris? Scared to be all alone?"

 Instead of an answer, the boy reached into his pocket, producing a bundle of dollar bills which he put into the astonished vampire's free hand. Spike gave him a questioning look. "Wh-" he began, but broke off, not finding the right words.

 Xander grinned. "Hey, always a giver when it's for a good purpose."

 The vampire snorted, and turned, not even bothering to thank him.

 Xander watched him leave, his mind lost in thoughts.

***

 The doorbell rang. Buffy turned and looked at the watch on her bedside table. 1.37 am. She moaned, and got up, softly cursing under her breath. Whoever this was, he or she should better have a damn good explanation. She got down the stairs and to the front door. Opening it, she could hardly suppress a yawn.

 "Xander?" she asked as she recognized her visitor. "What are _you doing here?"_

 "Can I come in?"

 She stepped aside, letting him into the house. He went into the living room, sitting down on the couch. She slumped into a chair, looking at him expectantly. "So, what's up?"

 "It's Spike."

 "Spike?" Buffy frowned. "Did he kill anyone?"

 "No. He's leaving."

 "Wha-? You wake me up in the middle of the night because of _this?" she asked, trying to ignore the strange feeling that had followed his words. "I can't believe it!"_

 Xander leant back, studying her face. "I thought maybe you'd want to do something about it."

"What, like holding him back? Why should I? I don't even like him!"

 "Buffy, how stupid do you think I am?"

 She gave him a blank stare. "Huh?"

 He searched for the right words, gave up, and decided to go straight to the point. "I know you were in his crypt this afternoon. I mean, c'mon, exercising? _Naked? In his bed? And he's been acting a bit strange around you lately, you know, even for __his standards. So I think this wasn't the first time."_

 Buffy stared at him in shocked surprise. "Xander, I-"

 "You don't have to explain anything to me. I don't _want to know. But I think you've hurt him somehow, and now he's leaving," he interrupted her. "I don't think he will come back this time, and although I still don't like this guy, I got kinda used to him." _

 Xander stood up, went to the door, and hesitated. "Something tells me he won't wait till tomorrow night. I just thought you should know."

 Buffy remained still, and after a few seconds, she heard the faint click of the front door closing. _Xander… She remembered this kind of talk from him. It had been before Riley had left her. He had been right that time…_

 She looked at the clock over the chimney. 1.48 am. If Spike wanted to leave this night, he would do it soon.

 _I don't care, she reassured herself. And realized that she was lying._

***

 Spike was busy packing his last belongings into a rather small leather bag, as the door to his crypt flew open. He turned around, only to see Buffy stomping towards him.

 "Slayer," he said coldly.

 "Bastard," she answered, and slammed the surprised vampire hard against the wall.

 "Wha-"

 "Don't you dare doing this!" she interrupted him through clenched teeth. "I will come after you, I will find you, and I will stake you if you do this!"

 "Do _what?"_

 "Leave me."

 He stared at her for a long moment. Then he pushed her away, and started pacing up and down his crypt. "You know what, Slayer? I don't understand you!" he said angrily. "All I want is to be near you, but you push me away. Now I do what you wanted, and it's all wrong again! Would you reach a bloody decision!"

 She looked at him helplessly. "I never wanted-"

 "_You said you wanted me off this __planet!" he yelled in frustration._

 "But that was before…" Buffy's voice trailed off.

 He stopped, and went over to her, until they were only inches apart. 

 "Before what?" he demanded.

 _If you tell him now, he will leave you. They always do, and they never return. Why should he be different? "Before…" __If you don't, he will go for sure. Do you want him to? "Before I loved you," she whispered._

 Spike stared at her. Then half a smile began to play around his lips; he opened his mouth to say something, but was completely at a loss for words. It nearly broke her heart to see him like this. So she raised her head, and softly kissed him. He kissed her back, tenderly, cautiously like never before, as if he was afraid she could vanish under his touch. A single tear ran down her cheek as she finally broke their kiss.

 "I'm sorry," she whispered, avoiding his eyes. "I didn't want to hurt you."

 He lifted her chin with his hand, and looked at her. "Yes, you did." He smiled, and Buffy was lost in the depths of his ocean blue eyes. "But I'll be damned if that wasn't worth it."

 She smiled under tears, then she remembered something. Uncertainly, she pointed at the half-filled bag on his sarcophagus. "And do you… still want to leave?"

 The vampire snorted, and brought his lips close to hers. "Gotta be kidding, luv. You just missed your last chance for getting rid of me." Spike took his Slayer into his arms, and whispered, "I love you, Buffy."

 And finally, he got what he had wanted so badly, for so long.

 "I love you, Spike."

End.


End file.
